Some Monday Things

First of all my boy is sweet. Today when I dropped him off at school, without thinking I said out loud "son come here and give me a kiss" in a very insistant kind of whiny voice. I don't know I had insomnia last night. After I said it, I saw he was already hanging with his two guy friends in class. They all three looked at me. I considered changing it to a hug as to not embarass him. Before I could even give him a chance to back out he game me a big smooch on my lips without even thinking. My boy still gives me kisses in front of his friends. I hope that doesn't have an expiration date. I know, I know, a girl can hope right?

I realized this morning I snuggle my coffee. I do this behavior only when driving with a travelers mug of coffee, but when not drinking i hold it to the right side of my face, and lean my head on it. I feel as if I have done this a while, and just now actually thought about it. So weird. It feels so good and warm on my cheek though.

I am addicted to Pinterest. I see so many awesome recipes and ideas my head spins, then I can "pin" them and they don't get lost in Neverland, and I can share them too. It is awesome, but look at your own risk. It can decrease productivity, and then increase it to insanely high levels do to all the projects you will start.

I still very much love our new puppy, who is turning into a giant. He is sleeping on his back at my feet right now laying on them and keeping them warm. He loves to touch me if possible. We have never had a big dog before, who can just peer into our trash can, etc, but he really doesn't get into any trouble. Plus we have already have been trained in sneaky dog area. Roger, rest his soul, although just a tiny jack russell, was able to get on our counter tops if he so felt the need. He ate a pregnant lady's Christmas bread while she napped from exhaustion. Roger trained us for these things. However, knock on wood, Fisher has yet to use his size to snoop or get into things he shouldn't. Our giant dog, who everybody warned us about, is far less trouble than our 14 lb one, that I still miss often.

It is a rainy day. I am wearing shorts and a sweat shirt. I am about to make a million pancakes to freeze. I love my family. God is way to good to my underserving self. The Titan's won this weekend. Happy Monday!

Thankful Thursday: The Loop

I had a friend do a fb post this week about feeling out of the loop. I can relate to that often. I have many "loops" that I am in, and when I get spread to thin I am really not in any of them, just kind of passing though. I don't know...I know what I am trying to say, but I have yet to finish my latte. My free latte. Thank you very much Mr. Ramsey.

Brian and I started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Although we are not terrible with money, what could it hurt? The thought of paying cash for everything is very appealing to Brian and I, and I don't know about Brian but I never thought it was really obtainable. Now I do though. If I am baking all the bread my family eats, then I most certainly can be disciplined enough to pay cash for my next couch. Just saying.

So the obvious financial benefits are one reason we are doing it, and the other is that Brian and I are trying to get into our church loop. I really like most of the people at my church, but we aren't at the comfort level yet to make buddies, so this is helping. Yep I am seriously adding another loop. Loops are blessings. Loops must be maintained.

I am thankful for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and I SERIOUSLY recommend it for anybody, even if you are good with money.

Yesterday I saw two friends at different times, that were once a part of a loop I was in years ago when in college. Over the summer we had a reunion of sorts at our home. Now I had fallen out of the loop, as Brian and I were a little older, and settled down a little faster. Now two of those buddies are starting there families, and we are kind of entering each others lives again. I think it is awesome that we can go over 5 years without hanging out and then pretty much picking up the friendship again like it is nothing. It was never anything personal, just different places in our lives. Our loop is coming back together, and it is nice.

I am thankful for old friends looping back together, and sweet little one month baby girl, Layla Jane, and a soon to be born sweet baby girl Nylah Aniston. :)

Have a wonderful day. Where I live it looks absolutely beautiful. Enjoy the blessings that are so easily overlooked. Be thankful for the loops you are in, and if you are in a dirty stinky rotten loop, for goodness sake get out of it!

Time is Flying

Do you ever look at your kids, or anyone in your life, and find yourself amazed at the changes in them? Do you wonder if you have changed as much?

When Ellis first turned 3, I was unsure if he or I would survive "the trying threes". Lately though, he has been a lot more respectful, and exceptionally sweet. His language, and imagination are unreal, and his bright shiny self is shining through. My pride in who he is becoming as a little boy is swelling over. He is quite the little man, and knows how to pull on my heart strings.

Also watching his faith grow, from nothing really, because we have just recently introduced it in our home, is awe inspiring. Children are so open, and really so close to God. It makes you wonder why it can't always stay that way.

And Lainey. My little Elaine Rose. Her language is taking off too, and her understanding of everything is amazing. She is taking on more of a little girls personality than a babies. She has opinions on everything, and is extremely nurturing. I look at her, and wonder if that was what I was like, before some things in life changed who I was when I was innocent, and had all the self esteem in the world. She is assured, and shiny, and confident. I find myself being more assured because I have an example to set. I am a better stronger woman because I have a daughter to be that way for.

The changes in my kids is awesome. I love that I can watch them grow and change, and enjoy who they are becoming. As these changes happen, it makes me wonder where does the time go? How are my kids already so big. Am I going to blink and them be going to prom? I hope that I don't waste a moment. This special time when I am still so needed by them won't last forever. I have to say though, I am enjoying the ride.

Some More Perspective

A few months ago, about 7 actually, I had a mini crisis with being a stay at home mom. I wrote this post as I worked it out with myself.

Over the last several months there has been many changes in our household. Diet, and eating foods as natural as possible has been a big focus, for one thing. Eating healthier has majorly impacted my life, and health. It has helped me lose weight without trying, WORD! It has brought me to be more appreciative and thoughtful of what we eat, and more prayerful over it too.

So as a result for the first time Brian and are I church going folk. We aren't going for social activities, or because we think we are supposed to. We are going to fill the void, that only faith can fill.

As I have progressively gotten busier, I have learned how to better slow down. I am taking time for myself, keeping centered much better, and keeping things in perspective.

One of the most gradual changes that has maybe had the most impact on me so far is how I see myself and being a mother. I think in this culture it is constantly being pounded into our heads to have a "me first" kind of attitude. Even a few months ago I was feeling sorry for myself and what all I had "gave up" to be a mother.

• First thing is your body, and both my babies never took a bottle. Nursing is very selfless. For the first year or so of their life, only I could feed them when it came to milk. Every night, every time.
• My identity. You are very much not yourself when you fall helplessly in love with a child, and you have this new role, and it is important, and you don't get days off. Unless something awful happens, you are always a mother period.
• My career. I chose to stay home with my children. One reason is because in my family any other option would get some serious scrutiny. So that is what even started me on staying at home. The second reason was as a social worker, there would not be much money left after childcare. Also because of being a social worker, I totally don't trust anybody. Seriously. Then of course when I had Ellis and looked at him, there is no way even if I had planned on working I could have left him. Much to my surprise I turned out being one of those moms. He was mine mine mine. He was 9 weeks old and I left him with my mother for a few hours to go to a wedding, and I about didn't survive. Mine mine mine, that little baby is MINE!
• My social life as I knew it at the time. For a few short months I gave up contact with the outside world. It happens being a mom of a new baby. Then the friends you used to hang with you really can't anymore. Party, cookout drinking fest, movie. Nope. You have to watch your child that you chose, and is now your responsibility. Plus they won't take a bottle anyway. When you stay home you have to start all over with your social life. I had to join a playgroup of people I didn't know, seek out children for my kids to be around, and learn activities for them to do.

So that is what I held onto for a while. Even after nearly 3 years of being a SAHM, I was still resentful of it. I had a hard time seeing the importance of what I did. I didn't see the art of being a mother, the calling of it. One easy way to see how important you are is to imagine that you suddenly had to go away for a year. (It has to be sudden otherwise you know that us mothers would have everything in line for our families.) Would your family operate even half way functionally. Mine wouldn't. The kids social activities, schools, clothes, nutrition amongst other things would fall to the wayside. Brian wouldn't know who what when why where. Of course only to be fair if Brian had to suddenly go away for a year I would be lost too. In a fair family both parents have important roles. Brian is our provider, hello, can't have social activities, school, clothes, or food without money. But he is also the fun parent who makes up games, can always make the kids laugh, the bath giver, broke thing taker care of'er (you like that),and alarm clock setter. But really being the mother and wife is important. It is an art. It is a calling.

I used to cringe at the thought of a mother teaching her daughter "how to run a household". I had it in my head that it was limiting her, and probably for some it might be. Now, however, I have came to realize that running a household is not easy, and of the utmost importance.Whether a working or stay at home mom, it is not an easy thing to do.

Here is how I see things now:

• Yes I lost my body for a while. Nursing really seriously ties you down. Anyone that says, oh no big is full of it. It is not always butterflies and ponies. The heavens didn't open up and pour with love every time my kids nursed. But every once in a while it did. And when they weaned I was sad, because the day they were conceived they needed my body to sustain life. They day they were born the still needed me to sustain life. When they weaned, I was no longer connected to them in that way, although by that time my milk was more of a supplement, than a need. I am lucky that I was able to nurse when so many are not able. And as hard as it was to lose my body for a while, it was well worth it.
• I have made many wonderful friends that I would have never met if not for my children. The experiences and friends that I have due to Ellis and Lainey for exceed the temporary isolation I had when I first stepped into mommydom. When you build a family, you build a life. Children give you much more than the ever take away. They didn't take my identity away, they added to who and what I am.
• As far as my career goes, my Aunt said this and wow did this sink in. You have many more years to work in your life than you do to raise your children. I had Ellis when I was 28, and I had already worked for 12 years. Lets say I go back to work when Lainey is 18, I will be 47. Lets say I retire at 65. That is another 18 yrs. That is 30 years or working, and 20 raising the people I chose to bring into this world. I love my career, and really am looking forward to returning to it one day. I am glad I have my degree. But I am most glad about I have the opportunity to stay home with my kids. It is invaluable to me, although it is not for everyone.

Seven months later I am totally at peace with how everything is. Yes I stay at home, I bake bread from scratch, play with legos, and drive a mini-van. That does not subtract from my intelligence, or who I am. It only adds. Being a good mother takes a certain measure of organization, patience, and stamina. Yes there is nothing fancy about what I do, but what it is is important. I give up my selfish needs to serve my family, and it honestly doesn't even hurt.