You know my heart song son, and have known it since the night I found out I was pregnant. It was actually the first time you made me laugh. I was at Alisha's house that night, I think it might have been for Beth's baby shower, and Alisha gave me an extra test that she had left over since she found out that she was pregnant with Jack. Your Daddy and I had been trying for a very long time to have a baby, but had decided to stop trying because your cousin Zack had came to live with us. So I didn't think there was any way I could be pregnant, but when I got to GiGi's house around midnight (your Daddy stayed in Murfreesboro because he had to work) I decided to take the test. I have no idea why. So I washed my face and everything and looked down and there was 2 lines. However, I had no directions to the test, and two lines seemed like a big deal, so I had to call Alisha after midnight and wake her up. I asked her how many lines in a whisper so I didn't wake up your grandparents. After Alisha woke up, and understood what I was asking her she said 2 lines you are pregnant. I was like are you sure, and I made her say yes at least 15 times. So technically Alisha and Blake were the first people to know there was a new little Striepling coming into this world. We were laughing our "bottoms" off, only I would have to call Alisha to see if I was pregnant. So then I called your Daddy, and he thought I was joking. I tend to get your Daddy sometimes like that. I sat on your Gigi's front porch in the wee hours of the morning, and talked to your Daddy for the first time about you. It was a good front porch talk, and I tell you son the front porch is always a good place for a good talk. Then I woke your GiGi up and she thought I was pulling her leg (What was wrong with these people being pregnant is no joking matter, except I might have actually pulled that one a few times). If you know me at all, you know that I have a hard time keeping exciting secrets. She had to get her magnifying glass out to look at the test, it was just a silly mess, and we all had a good laugh. A good laugh is my heart song.
The first words I said when you were born was "My baby". There are no words that you can write that will describe the feeling of when you see your first child for the first time. It is the moment that your entire life changes, and all the selfish wants you carry around with you fall to the floor, never to be picked up again. You look at this baby, this tiny person, and are in awe of the miracle that is before you. The love that I felt when I held you, wrapped in a blanket, covered in goo, crying, is indescribable. I was so profoundly a different person, and so in love. Holding you in my arms the first time, hearing my own cry of joy, is my heart song.
(This picture looks posed, but it isn't son. We didn't even know the nurse was taking the picture. It was a perfect picture, in a most perfect moment.)
(Two days before I carried you out of the house, and you Daddy carried your in that day. Kind of cool if you think about it)
We brought you home on my 28th birthday. It was by far the best birthday I have ever had, and the most terrifying. The good thing was that there was a house full of loved ones to welcome you home. GiGi and Pops, and Mimi and Papa were there, and Gramps and Nanna came over later. Mommy had a cookie cake for her birthday, and feasted on a ham sandwich. I wrote off lunch meat for my entire pregnancy, it is unsafe while pregnant you see. The family held you, and I brought you to your room. The room that was decorated for you, that had a blankie carefully placed on your crib for months, and everything positioned just so. I would just go stand in your room before you were born, looking around, trying my best to imagine what it would be like to have a baby, a son. I wondered what you would look like, if I would be a good mom, if everything would be okay with the delivery. Now you were here. In my arms, in your room. I loved you so much baby boy, and still do of course. A house full of loved ones welcoming you home is my heart song.
(I would stare at your crib, little did I know when you were still little you would spray poop all over it, that is another story I will reserve for your first date)
You are smart, and funny, encouraging, and so deeply caring. If you sense something is wrong with any of us you ask if "somfing is wrong" , and tell us it will be okay. You love your sister, and treat her like she is a princess, in fact you tell her she is a princess, and I have no idea where you got that from. You protect her, console her, and kiss her goodnight. Rarely do you initiate a fight with her, and when she does with you, you quickly give her what she wants. You love playing games with your Daddy, and will pat his back and tell him "great job Daddy!", and obviously look up to him so much. You tell me you love me, not because that is something we just say, you look in my eyes and say it. The incredibly sensitive, caring side of you, is my heart song.
(She is so little, but already knows she can lean on you, because that is who you are.)
Sweet boy, I had no idea what I was in for when you were born, but even though being a parent isn't always easy, your sweet dimpled smile makes it well worth it. Little did I know 3 years ago today, what a blessing it would be to know you my son. So today, on your third birthday, this blog is my heart song to you.
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