Some Thoughts On Family

This morning on one of the morning news shows, there was a piece on Generation X (Which I am at the tail end of) and marriage. Granted this isn't hard hitting journalism, but I found it interesting. And couldn't stop thinking about it. The whole point is that Generation X'ers are trying hard to make marriage work. Now of course these are generalizations. But as they were doing the piece it kind of reminded on my views of marriage, and some of the thoughts I have had.

Whenever I think of divorce as a subject, not divorcing Brian now we are good, I think of the complete devastation of my family. I just don't see how my kids wouldn't be destroyed. Although to an outside person our family looks a certain way, stay at home mom and breadwinner dad, our family doesn't have the 1950's aloof dad. Brian is just as involved in the raising and everyday details of my children's life as I am. We eat dinner together at the table nearly every day, unless there is some weird circumstances. He plays with them everyday. He gives them all of their baths, and is the main person in charge when they are getting ready for bed. He decided to start potty training Lainey, and started one weekend and I followed suit. He takes them to the zoo, park, or whereever, without me. He is a dad that could totally do it on his own, except for cooking that is.  Brian is a present parent.

And I am an involved mom. Obviously staying home I am with the kids every day, all hours of the day. I take them to play dates, and school, fix them 3 meals a day, teach them, play with them, and all of those things. With that being said, Brian and I both give them 100%. There is not a parent in this house hold that doesn't pull their full weight in the raising of our children, which is a big compliment to Brian as that he is out of th ehome 40+ hours a week. And we do it together. I can't imagine what it would do to Ellis and Lainey for them to all of a sudden not have that anymore. I can't imagine them not seeing both of us everyday. I seriously think because we are such good parents it would destroy the kids even more. They would have something to miss without a doubt.

As far as staying home with them, that would be over if we divorced. I would have to work. And although I am totally cool with working moms, I am also totally happy to be home with my kids. They can sleep in, play outside at their own home, take nap in their own beds, have a lazy day if tired, or take off to the pool or park if we wanna. Other than pre-school, which is important, we have a flexible life. Brian and I were just talking about the other day, how they are so lucky to be at home base so much and not a hectic schedule. Plenty of time for that when they are adults. They would have to spend hours outside of the home, with other caregivers, which is something that Brian and I both decided we didn't want being that I quit my career which I loved. I really think this would be a hard transition for my kids too.

As far as custody arrangements. As a counselor in my previous life, I never came across a kid that enjoyed switching parents. Especially the ones that did the every other day thing. They hated it. But I understand where the parents were coming from. Brian and I don't even like our children to go away for the weekend, which they have done like 5 times ever. We miss them too much. I do not see how we could ever agree to split time between the two of us.

So I constantly think about my marraige, and I don't ever want it to fall apart. It is not just about me and Brian, we are a family, and we chose to start one, and it is important to protect it. Now I am not anti-divorce. If Brian's favorite past times ever become drug use, alcohol abuse, domestic violence, fooling around, or in any way harming my children, finito. I am also pretty sure that he feels that way if I were to start doing any of those things. Having those things going on in your house can destroy a family too. I am smart enough to know you can never say never, because then you sound like a idiot. I can say it is not in my plans. I love my family. I love the blessings we have. I love that my generation is trying to keep marraige together, according to morning television, so take that statement lightly. If anything, it obviously got me thinking about it this morning.